Growing up, I just wanted to be beautiful, and live a life where people would constantly tell me I was beautiful. And to do that, I thought I needed the perfect full makeup routine, the perfect closed mouth smirk, and the trendiest clothes. I was constantly changing myself into what I thought was good enough to be beautiful.
Over the past week, I’ve seen so many people celebrating babies. Each day I woke up to a Facebook feed full of pregnancy announcements, birth announcements, and posts about getting ready for a new baby to arrive. There were also cute pictures of baby firsts: The first birthday. First Independence Day. First month in this great big world. First night in the nursery.
It was beautiful to see, and it made me think about the first time I brought my baby girl home. She was so small and so alert. She watched everything so intently. She was my “baby born in a wheelchair”, and I was so happy to have her.
Every day as a first-time mom, I face new challenges. But somehow they seem easier to handle when you have a child the doesn’t do much moving. However, those days are about to end in my household. My daughter wants to dive, climb, and walk with the big kids. Although I’m so happy to see her hitting new milestones, I’m a bit scared to let her discover the world without me there holding her every step of the way.
But God is helping to ease my troubled mind.
You can read all about it in my guest post over at Holly Brown’s space, The Brown Tribe.
Night after night I find myself awake well after midnight. My daughter is asleep in her room and my husband is out cold on some sofa somewhere in the house. Meanwhile, I’m typing away on my keyboard with the crickets outside my window keeping me company; and the thrill of being alone with my thoughts keeping me awake.