I hate feeling worn out.
That don’t want to cook, don’t want to clean, don’t even want to get out of your clothes and shower type of worn out. The kind where all you really want to do is lie in bed and do nothing. Not even eat.
It hasn’t been that bad lately, but something is out of whack. And I hate it.
I may not get that “doctor ordered” eight hours for sleep each night, but I figure I should be able to muttle through. I used to.
I spent years sleeping only four hours a night, and still making my way through long workdays, church activities, and gatherings with friends without much of a complaint.
Not lately though.
Now, my husband and I can barely make it through an evening without falling asleep before our intended bedtime. Our eyelids get heavy while doing work on the computer, watching our favorite TV shows, reading. Our date nights at home even turn into long impromptu naps. And sometimes, we find ourselves trying to fight being tired so we can get a little time together before sleep fairy clubs us over the head and we go comatose.
There have even been nights where we finally make it to bed, but we don’t wake up to the alarms we set hours earlier. In fact, we don’t even hear them, and it takes a move from God to get us out of bed on time.
Even with all the complaining I may do, it’s in moments like those where I realize God is still taking care of me.
Hard times tend to make you forget that He has a plan to give you everything you need in perfect time. You just have to be open to it. It may not come in the form you expect.
This week alone, I’ve had a number of unexpected opportunities to rest.
- A week-long vacation was not in the near future, but God gave me a week of uninterrupted sleep whenever my head hit the pillow.
- My husband worked late a couple nights and I had to miss some events, but God gave me another opportunity for rest.
- And I had to work one day on an overnight schedule and stay up all night, but God gave me a chance to finish the workday early and sleep all day without feeling bad about it
After all this, I can honestly say I’m on my way to being restored again.
“The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. ” (Psalm 23:1-3 NKJV)
How has God restored you lately?
The Thanksgiving leftovers are gone. The Black Friday discounts have been had. And that could only mean one thing: The holiday season is upon us.
Yes. The holidays.
People all over are starting to adorn their homes with colored lights, and put candles and/or menorahs in their windows. The holiday music is playing around the clock on the radio. And once empty lots are now full of Christmas trees. My friends are even tweeting pictures of their already decorated trees.
Now, it’s time for me to get in the holiday spirit.
I’m not much for outside lights, but I’m already humming Christmas carols. All I need now is a tree.
I grew up with artificial trees.
As a child, I remember waiting for the adults in the house to assemble the tree and string the lights so I could help hang the ornaments. I loved those times. When you’re that small, a six foot tree seems like a tall oak. The branches seem fuller. The lights seem brighter. And it seems like there are more ornaments than you could ever count. Everything is larger than life.
As an adult, my tree trimming experiences are totally different. Since I’m almost as tall as that six foot tree, nothing seems larger than life. The branches don’t seem as full, and we can clearly count all the ornaments.
It’s funny how your perspective on things changes when you get older.
If you were anything like me as a child, you probably thought your parents and grandparents were perfect, your teachers were the smartest people in the world, and people on TV had the most glamorous lives EVER.
I could be anything, if I just said it.
And my biggest problems were having to eat all my vegetables and having to endure naptime at school.
But things change. The way you see them change.
Now I know that nobody’s perfect, and we’re all just people trying to live our lives as best we can. We all have problems. We all have periods of trial. And I acknowledge that nothing comes without work…on somebody’s part. I even realize that rest and vegetables are needed to keep us working, to keep us healthy, to keep us strong.
I’m sure, as life goes on, I’ll reach other levels, face other trials, and gain more wisdom.
But it’s all about growing and changing your perspective when the time comes.
Thanksgiving is just days away.
Even though I won’t get to celebrate the traditional way with family around the dinner table enjoying a home-cooked meal, I’m still so thankful for where I am at this point in my life.
Today, I spent the day thinking about how my life has changed so much over the years, and what Thanksgiving means to me now.
And honestly, the day itself doesn’t mean much anymore.
I guess working in radio and TV may have trained me to think that way. I sort of forgot what a holiday was when I started working….having had to work so many of them. But just as much as I’d now like to spend a day off with my husband and the rest of our family, I am grateful for my career and the opportunity to work.
As a matter of fact, until I met my husband, my career was pretty much all I cared about. And I thought it was all I had. I didn’t take the time to cherish the relationships I had with the people around me, and I didn’t know how to develop them. In fact, I only saw my family once a year, and they lived less than two hours away.
It was pitiful…I know.
Now, my growing faith and the thought of starting my own family have changed my priorities, and given me a few more things to add to the list.
Bottomline…I realize that if I want home-cooked meals, family get-togethers, and opportunities to give thanks, I have to make time for those things and not just wait for the third Thursday in November.
And all this reflecting inspired me to write a poem about the things I am grateful for, and my struggle to express thanks for them in the appropriate way.
Please let me know what you think.
